hopeful

I hope this will be the last. But it won’t. I wish this is the end. But it’s not.

It happened not only once, and not only twice. It always happens every time. I was immune of this feeling. But there’s nothing I could do. Only to fall and love again.

It wasn’t what I wanted. Yet this heart keeps on beating and no matter how hard I tried, it’s still him that I’m always thinking of.

He’s with another woman. He loves her. SHE is different, she’s beautiful, and she’s intelligent. That’s how he describes her. And I’m just here listening to what he says. Hoping that someday, it would be me whom he is telling and whom he is with every now and then. Whom he often thinks, whom he cares. It’s painful, really. Yet acceptance is the only way I can do.

It’s hard letting someone know what you feel. But nothing is harder than keeping it with you. You can’t help but just listen to his stories and agree to what he says. You can’t tell him what you feel. It will just be useless. He may avoid you. He may feel bad about you. You may loose the friendship you built for some time. That’s why I can’t.

I HOPE THIS WILL BE THE LAST. The last time I would fall… but it won’t!

i wish this is the end. End of heartaches, end of pain. End of desperation to someone who will never be mine. BUT IT”S NOT!

Here I am again, writing down what I feel. Hoping that someday he can read this. He may never understand. He may never know he’s the one. Uncertain I am, but I hope he will.